Fictional Pitch to yourtango

2014

To: editor@yourtango.com

Subject: Pitch

 

Love and sex, or just sex – whatever your desire, it’s not just for young people. In fact, there is a huge retirement village in the middle of Florida that is known to house the fastest growing population STD afflicted population over 65 in the country. “Old” people in retirement are sexual beings too, after all, and they have needs and lots of free time to satisfy them, apparently. Do they think their age somehow protects them from the darker side of unprotected sex? Why are these Baby Boomers acting like careless teenagers? Who is doing who – and why? Maybe they think they don’t have to be careful anymore because heck, most of their lives are behind them. Or are they? Many of this group could live well into their 90’s – or longer! I’d like to explore these questions and others by going “undercover” to VacationNation near Ocala, Florida. Depending on what I find out, I’d write an article of 750 – 1000 words about these old babes and dudes who are seemingly getting all they can while they still can – and what it may cost them in the short run. The article would be entertaining and playful but could have a cautionary view – unless I find out that they just don’t care about STDs anymore!

 

The Article (Although there is more than a grain of truth in this article, I have made a lot of it up for this this homework assignment so have changed the name of the community):

 

 

 Mention The Neighborhoods in some circles, and you may elicit a knowing smirk. In other, younger circles, you might inspire a horrified diatribe about a creepy Stepford Wives-like environment where a neighbor’s sister’s mother-in-law lives. Still others who have visited the place will delight in telling you about the incredibly decorated and often coveted golf carts that take Keeping Up with the Joneses to a whole new level, especially during the Christmas holidays.  

 

What is this place? Well, it’s a huge retirement community in the middle of Florida that spans three counties and has approximately 45,000 homes and more than 75,000 residents. There are three dozen golf courses, at least nine country clubs, a few downtown squares, and bars and restaurants galore. Oh – and it is the site of the fastest growing population over 65 to reportedly be infected with sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Hence, the knowing smirk.

 

The Neighborhoods is a huge complex for retired people over 55 that exploded in the mid-1990s, and reported cases of gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia have exploded right along with it. Herpes is in the mix too, of course, although it’s very difficult to get accurate numbers on that one. So many people don’t even know they have it, and in this population it’s conceivable that someone with infrequent outbreaks has forgotten he or she has it at all. What’s clear is that the residents of The Neighborhoods have been – and continue to be - quite busy getting to know each other on a rather intimate basis.

 

Interestingly, most homeowners don’t seem very concerned about the STD statistics in their new hometown. Heck, many are from the northeast and were just looking for a warm place where they didn’t have to shovel snow. Imagine their surprise when they realized how downright hot The Neighborhoods really is! And, variety is the spice of life. There are dozens of clubs with hundreds of hot-blooded Baby Boomers looking for action, which we now know they are sure to find.

 

A very few residents are embarrassed – but not surprised - by the sex-crazed label that’s beginning to stick - but most take it with a grain of salt-substitute.  Still others – mostly men in their 70’s - are eager to talk about it like young studs exercising their bragging rights. They will tell you that many of the women are quite eager to “fool around” – and that few of those women have any illusions about a “relationship”. Talk to some of those women of a certain age, especially when they’ve had a few drinks, and you’ll find that they, too, are quite happy with this arrangement.

 

Alma is upwards of age 75 and hides it well, while her part-time lover, Bill, is a hunky 60-something. “Let’s face it,” the vivacious Cougar told me. “No one is looking for The One at this point.” In fact, Alma married The One, but he is long dead, as is the case for many of the women. These widows want to be wanted, but not necessarily needed. They don’t have to take care of some old geezer who may or may not see them for the sex objects they want to be - but they can still have their ivories tickled now and then. They decide when to stay home with the TV and when to get dolled up and head to the bar for a possible rendezvous with one of their Friends with Benefits.

 

Dating is not necessarily a part of the sexual equation here. Both men and women who are looking for sex are pretty much willing to make it known and get right to it. According to my sources, this is partially because so many of the men are cheap, but in fairness to them, many have fixed incomes and don’t see the need to spring for dinner if they don’t have to. Regardless, neither men nor women want to waste time and energy on a big night out – other than drinks and maybe dancing – because they can’t stay up all night. They have limited energy and want to use every bit of it for the main event. Who can blame them? This is far from their first rodeo, after all. They were young once and know what it took then compared to what it takes now to get their desired outcome.   

 

While visiting The Neighborhoods I tried to find someone who actually has an STD to discuss it with me. It turns out those who know they have STDs aren’t talking much, “although,” one said impishly, “we are not tight-lipped.” In fact, this woman told me of a candle-lit STD support group where Viagra and sex toys are made available to members who then pair off and support each other privately. I suppose that is one way to curtail a disease.

 

Seriously, though, there is a view of the world in The Neighborhoods that getting an STD, although a downside of free love in retirement, is not a deterrent to sex. Most of the sexually active people who are willing to talk about it admit they just don’t want to be bothered with condoms. They’re embarrassed to buy them. Condoms are difficult to put on. They spoil the mood. Gee, where have we heard this before? Young people say this all the time, but these people should know better, shouldn’t they? It seems they do, but they just don’t care. Maybe there are age-specific physical impediments to using condoms at this age that no one wants to talk about. Regardless, no one is going to get pregnant and desire is definitely in the air, so mark your calendars for age 55 if you’d like to get in on the action at The Neighborhoods.